We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
