it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
