...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
