We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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