meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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