There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
