dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
