That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
