I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
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Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
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Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day