Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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