It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
