On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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