nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
