Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
