mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
