if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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