Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
