the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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