I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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