You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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