i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
