Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
