do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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