Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize