You smell like a Billy Joel song
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
