You really coming over, don't trick.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i've created a new STD.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
