I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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