WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
