Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
