My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
