why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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