I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
