Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
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OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?