Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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