i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?