HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
