Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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