I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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