Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
