I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
