You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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