Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
