dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
