I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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