the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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