the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
please come you make the beer taste better
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
