____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
