Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
