I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize