It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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