I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
