I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
