so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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