It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
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2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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