You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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