To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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