I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
