I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
