I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
