he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
