I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
