I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You took a bar mat shot.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
