He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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