Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
